Jason gave up surfing when he met a girl, and they got married. It seems that they needed more time together, and since she didn’t surf, that particular activity was first on the chopping block. Slowly, one day at a time, Jason disappeared from the line up. It didn’t happen all at once – the giving up of his beloved past time – but he made a conscious choice as to which direction he wanted to focus his energies and surfing was just another casualty. It didn’t matter that he had surfed religiously since he was a child; he wanted this relationship (and eventual marriage) to work and he willingly gave it up for the sake of their new found love.

I know all this because I saw Jason at the line up yesterday. All smiles, like a kid with a new toy! He told me that the marriage didn’t work out all too well, and they both amicably walked away from it after one year of marriage. “We both changed in ways that we could not stand, or understand.” he said. As it turns out, surfing was a big part of who Jason was, and is. It made him happy to be in the water and be in the waves. It made him, well, Jason. And giving it up made him change, slowly at first, into someone who resented having given up something that he truly loved.

“The thing is …” Jason told me, “I gladly gave up a big part of me without actually thinking it through. Surfing was part of who I was, who she fell in love with, and part of what made me happy. In thinking that I could give it up in exchange for more time with her, I actually lost sight of me and eventually the relationship.” (Actually, Jason just said “It’s all good!” in the water … the rest was a more thought out conversation later on during drinks – we don’t talk much during surf sessions.)

The point is that Jason’s story is not a unique one. I know many surfers that have given up surfing for a period of time for various reasons and relationships, only to return to it later. A jilted lover, surfing calls you back relentlessly … having made itself a vital part of your life. It makes you happy, it makes you free, and it makes you YOU!

Another friend recently ended a long-time relationship – one where I watched her surrender herself from surfing three to four times a week to virtually not surfing at all. It turns out, he didn’t surf much and found various reasons not to surf … so she chose to sit on the couch and watch television with him instead. Like Jason, slowly at first … dying a surfer’s death one hour at a time.

I don’t have a magic answer as to why people do this, especially surfers that are so dedicated to the sport, but they eventually find their way back. They happily return to their source of inner peace and rejoice in the comfort they once left.

If you find yourself in this situation, surfer or not, make sure you stop and think about just what it is you may be giving up … Jason knows! Me, I’m lucky … I’m with a surfer who shares my love for the ocean, so we spend time together in the water.

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