It seems that a majority of the stories of interest that I have to share somehow originate from within bathrooms. Yes, bathrooms. Before I go any further, please understand that there is nothing gross, unsanitary, or even perverse in these stories in their nature … quite the contrary actually. Most are quite innocent but interestingly amusing to the people that I have shared them with in the past.

If I had to pin down the very first bathroom story I recollect having written down, it would be the recounting of the “pens & markers in the stall“. Although quite uninteresting at the time I wrote it down, it never occurred to me that it would actually be the catalyst for the bathroom chronicles.

And to think, it all started in the bathrooms at Detroit Metro Airport: Returning from a winter family visit, I found myself at the airport in the usually requested “three hour ahead of schedule” lull for my flight. It was an early 4 am, and the terminals were all but deserted, save some cleaning crews and the groggily alert coffee vendor hawking 3 hour old coffee while text messaging anyone and everyone just to stay awake. And having imbibed several gallons of coffee myself, the dimly lit bathroom was calling me relentlessly.

Ah, yes. The public bathrooms in airports! I must admit, that the corporations that be have been quite stellar in their redesign of the airport facilities … both from a usability standpoint as well as a comfort perspective. I am quite sure that they must have spent a lot of time in their own terminals, some may have even slept there, since the new airport terminal designs have incorporated some seriously improved ergonomics and amenities for the weary travelers. Add that concept to ensuring that the same travelers are held captive in the mini-mall terminals for hours on end, and you have yourself a successful method for consumer-driver waiting rooms!

If you have ever been fortunate enough to use the men’s facilities in a public venue, you know how it works with the urinals … or the men’s stalls. Unless there are only sectioned toilet stalls, a majority of the square footage has been devoted to side-by-side urinals that pretty much place men six inches from each other, shoulder to shoulder, facing tiles and grout, or advertising panels. This is a major reason why men have grown adept at getting their business completed in almost super sonic speeds! After all, who wants to stare at grout or ads any longer than one has to.

And it is here, standing in front of the urinal staring at grout that the story begins. Written in small letters between the tiles, in the grout itself, were small ink letters, carefully proclaiming: “You are gay!” Now, if you have been to enough public bathrooms, graffiti is quite common place, and most times something one tries to ignore. However, someone with a pen, in the middle of doing his urinal business, took enough time – possibly out of sheer boredom – to carefully pen this statement in an impossibly small space.

Even more interesting, was the fact that another statement in red ink followed the statement with an emboldened: “No. You’re gay!” Following that rapier-sharp retort was another statement, in writing quite different from the first two: “Your [sic] both gay!!!” Watch the sudden drop in grammatical etiquette, using ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’, but the statement was quite strong, judging by the use of three exclamation points.

The continuing debate over sexual orientation was interesting enough for my four a.m. mind, seeing that there was not much to do at the airport, and that there was no one else around. You can’t buy this kind of entertainment anywhere else – and the Hollywood writers should take heed from these up and coming writers.

It was riveting. At the end of all this graffiti was the statement: “I didn’t realize how many people peed with pens on them!” So there it was, finally. The magical revelation at the end of all the banter and bravado. A lot of people, men in this particular example, seem to grace public bathrooms with pens in their, hopefully pockets. And then the graffiti, therefore the banter and discussion ended. Nothing needed to be said after that. Who could say anything then? It has been all said and done … enough said. Once I was on my plane, and had comfortably settled in after the pre-flight drink, I recalled the amusing bathroom banter.

It was interesting how the usual diatribe and mindless banter had been quelled by a simple statement, who by all purpose, simply refused to participate in the same linear thought. You’re gay, No you’re gay, you’re both gay … it could have gone on forever since there was an endless amount of grout! But this one person simply said, “enough” and made a profound and obviously jarring statement that refocused the foolishness of it all.

At the time, there was no way I would have known this, that I pushed this though into my mind … something wonderful had begun slowly and surely. A change … in perspective and mindset. I was to examine and chronicle the silliness that surrounded me on a daily basis! From the mundane to the profound, there it all was, ad all I had to do was, well … LOOK! And so the bathroom chronicles were born.

Although some stories are not directly inside of a bathroom, or at times directly related to being in or within the vicinity of a bathroom, there are daily absurdities and wonders that will now and forever belong in this realm! Read on … you too have a pen in your pocket!

Post Script:  The Bathroom Chronicles started out as odd and quirky observations from, and often times around, bathrooms. It may be the illusion of privacy or the connection to water, but stories come out! ~ Ronald Cordero / (republished by Request!)

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