As I sit with my friend I am numb. She has just lost her Mother. An only child whose only parent is now gone. She is strong and beautiful despite the tears that fall behind her glasses. In her breath you can hear relief. For the last 2 days we watched her Mother die. Sleeping for more than 23 hours of the day the body was giving up its fight to keep living.  Unable to communicate, we knew not what to do, but stay by her side.

As I walked out of the room, I looked at her, lying peacefully on the bed. I saw the body that encompassed her soul. I knew it would be the last time I would see that shell, but the thoughts and memories of her warmth, kindness, laugh and spirit would live on.

As the family and friends came to say a final goodbye to the body I realized that in times of despair, it makes happiness seem easier to attain. And suddenly it didn’t seem so hard to be happy. Suddenly it seems that maybe the intense need to define what it means to be happy and live it out is not that important. And maybe being truly happy requires that we just be. And the peace will come.

Irrespective of where you are in the world, what culture you are from, what color, status, background, we are universally driven by our human needs. It can be broken down to 6 areas of human needs. They may be subconscious needs, but they automatically drive us in what we do and how we do those things.

Of these 6 needs, you can view them into two broad categories. One group is the Primal Need and the other Spiritual Need – there are 4 human needs in the Primal needs group. These are the needs you would seek to fulfill as a base and drives every one of us. The fulfillment of the spiritual needs gives rise to more sustainable joy versus momentary pleasure associated with just fulfilling the primal needs.

• First need is the need of Certainty. Everyone wants stability about their basic necessities like food, shelter and other material resources. When people cannot control their physical circumstances, they seek certainty through a state of mind such as religious faith or positive affirmations.
• Second need is the need for Variety. People have a need to change their state to exercise their body and emotions. They seek variety through different ways like change of environment, physical activity, mood change, change of people they interact with, entertainment and others. The need for variety sometimes runs into conflict with the need for certainty.
• The 3rd need is the need for Significance. Everyone needs to feel special and important in some way. People seek significance through recognition from others or from themselves. Some people meet this need in a paradoxical way. Some people when they feel insignificant or helpless will go out to get others to recognize how significant their problems are and how helpless they are. This ironically raises their significance, just by getting people to acknowledge the enormity of their problem and their helplessness.
• The 4th need is the need for Love and Connection. We all need to feel connected with someone or something be it a person, an ideal, a sense of identity. Connection may take the form of love or just engagement. One can still be connected by means of an aggressive interaction.
• The 5th need is the need for Growth … a spiritual need. Everything in the universe is either growing or dying. Many are not satisfied spiritually unless our capacities are expanding.
• The 6th need is the need for Contribution. Just as we survive through the contribution of others (our parents for example), we seek to be spiritually fulfilled through contribution.

There are many ways that people find to meet these needs whether they are positive, negative or neutral ways. We unconsciously act to fulfill our needs and some actions may fulfill a subset of these needs or all of them.

When we have a behavior that fulfills at least 3 of these needs, these actions are considered strongly addictive or sometimes known as habits as they fulfill more than half of your needs. Again, these actions can sometimes be positive, negative or neutral to ourselves.

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”

Goals serve as something to aim for, so don’t get too hung up on reaching them. Focus on enjoying the journey and the process. If you’re hiking on a beautiful trail, your goal is to get to your end destination, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the walk, or even change direction. Be open, be flexible.

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

The happiest people in the world are flexible. They do not have rigid beliefs or try to control and manipulate their surroundings to make them happy. They are okay with how things are. They accept, they live in the now and they breathe. If you want to have a fulfilling and happy life, be flexible and accept things as they are.

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”

There’s no time for procrastinating, making excuses and succumbing to your fears. I know it can be hard, but you will ultimately die, so why not make the best of your life? Don’t waste time, instead start boldly moving towards your dreams. You will fail and make mistakes along the way, so stay humble and stay in the now.

“Real living is living for others.”

The most satisfying way to live is to help and enrich the life of others. It wasn’t until I started my blog that I realized how satisfying it is to assist others. If you can find a way to solve other people’s problems while following your passion, you will have found the ideal way to live.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

If we want the earth to become better, we have to let go of judgment, prejudice and rigid beliefs. There is no need to be right or wrong, or say that you are better than someone else. Everything is as it is. If you do not like it, you can do something else, but do not inject negative energy, because it never does any good.

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”

If you want to get results and master something, you have to stop dabbling and jumping around from thing to thing. Commit to something and follow through. Most people quit before any results can appear. They give up too soon. Don’t be one of those people!

“Using no way as way, using no limitation as limitation.”

You impose your own limitations. Even if a guru tells you that something is impossible doesn’t mean it is. He or she is human just like you. Remember, most great people were told they could never accomplish something, but they went ahead and did it anyway. Listen to yourself and do what excites you.

“Simplicity is the key to brilliance.”

Simplify your life and eliminate the unnecessary. We as a society have been taught to consume and amass material possessions. Luckily, we are starting to realize that this doesn’t work. Happiness comes from the inside, not from the outside. Simplicity gives you clarity and peace of mind.

“Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own.”

In the beginning, learn from someone you look up to, but as you get better and more successful, take what works and discard what does not. We are all unique, so we have to find our own groove and start listening to ourselves. Listen to your heart for guidance. Where is it trying to pull you?

“Knowing is not enough, you must apply; willing is not enough, you must do.”

You can read all the information you want, but if you never take action, nothing will happen. You will almost never have crystal clear clarity, so you will have to work through confusion and uncertainty. I know you want a rock-solid guarantee that will tell you that you will be successful, but in reality, no such thing exists. You have to start moving in order to get to where you want to be.

“The martial arts are ultimately self-knowledge. A punch or a kick is not to knock the hell out of the guy in front, but to knock the hell out of your ego, your fear, or your hang-ups.”

Everything you do involves your ego. It’s the one that is afraid. It wants you to stay where things are comfortable, convenient and safe. If you listen to your heart, you know that this isn’t the path for you. Go after your dreams and do so boldly. Accept the fear inside you and keep moving.

Life is meant to be lived, so start living and following your passion.

[by Henri Junttila]

The happiest surfers I know share seven very obvious habits. If you’re looking to expand your general happiness, you may consider adopting these in your own sessions and in your daily living. And although there is no tried and true bible of surfer habits that will make you instantly happy and giddy, these are pretty close to being gospel:

Give Yourself an Active Role in What You Believe In!

Yes, you are a surfer and you love to get in the water as often as you can … work schedule and personal commitments aside, right?  The first and best thing you could do for yourself is to ensure that you are engaging in your passion – the thing you love – actively, and often! Although for most of us this is definitely surfing, this passion or active role could involve just about anything … a social club, supporting worthy causes they believe in, or even finding passion in a career. In each case, the physiological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

Share Your Surf Time with Friends and Family!

The image of the lone surfer on a solitary wave just may be a classic one, but it sure doesn’t lend itself to how most surfers like to surf: with friends and family around to share the special times with! Yes indeed, despite having to share the waves we all know that surfing is better when shared with lots of happy smiles and laughter. Being able to share surfing with your friends and family not only introduces them to your passion and love, but you also introduce your loved ones to your passion … and perhaps they will understand why and bond with you in those moments! Remember that a  happy life is a life shared with friends and family.

Focus on the Positives

The ever-increasing numbers out in the line-up can get on one’s nerves at times … especially when there are a number of drop ins, near hits, snakes, kooks, donkeys … you get the idea. But it may be quite too often that surfers concentrate their attention on negatives that happen in the open ocean. Although it’s natural for any surfer to want to correct undesirable circumstances and focus closely on doing so, these moments may contribute to a totally bad session if focused on too closely. There must be a healthy balance in awareness and forgiveness. It is important to mindfully reflect on the good while striving diligently to release the bad!

Exploit the Resources to which You Have Access

Simply put, a surfer dropping into monstrous waves at Teahupoo with a quiver of brand-spankin’ new boards, while sporting sponsor branded gear is no more (or less) of a surfer than that regular guy on the beat up longboard, drop-knee turning into knee high waves on a crowded day at the local point break. The common ground is surfing, and the search for the ‘stoke’. What makes these two different are the resources available to each of them, much like each and every surfer out there … different resources, different access, different equipment BUT still all surfers at heart. So whether you are surfing in the frigid waters of the Great Lakes, or the warm and inviting waters of Hawaii, keep in mind that we are all making do with the resources we all currently have access to. The answer rests in how any one of us uses the resources that we do have.

In anything you do, always End your Session on a Good Wave.

The power of how you finish anything is understatedly amazing … it can make or break an event, activity, or a relationship. It has been scientifically linked that the completion of any experience has a lasting and impacting influence on the experience as a whole. There are countless examples of great and captivating films that end on a bad note, which forever attaches that experience to a bad experience … no matter how good the first 120 minutes were! People always manage to remember the ending. AND in this spirit you will often hear surfers say that they have to catch a good wave in, not just any wave, but a good one!

Rely on Your Own Personal Talents and Strengths

Everyone possesses unique talents, skills, and strengths. Yes, Kelly Slater is like Man from Atlantis on a surfboard, yes Keala Kennelly charges Pipeline, and yes, Joel Tudor is all that and a box of surfwax … BUT they are all utilizing their own natural talents and strengths. In as much as we may want to practice surfing maneuvers and cut-backs, it is important to grow with your own talent and abilities, but also to have patience with the speed and progress by which those skills will develop. Surfing nirvana comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get in touch with the waves, instead of forcing the issue with wasted energy or unwanted internal turmoil. The key is to ensure that your bar for improvement and progress is your own skill set and not some super surfer’s super-sized image!

Savor the Flavor: Simple Pleasures!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free – good waves, good friends, laughter and smiles, and all the memories you can pack away. The true happiness of a surfer comes in the form of simple pleasures, those things that appear at various arbitrary moments and places. They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness – like the feel of the breeze on your cheeks as you trim down the line of a rolling wave, or the warmth that the sun brings on a chilly day, or even how dropping in on a wave feels a lot like that moment when an airplane lifts off the ground for the first time. Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.

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Great! Welcome to the fray, surfer brother or surfer sister … but know that many people never make it past the initial stage of learning to stand up on a board, and few make it to reaching the  goal of actually surfing a wave for the “stoke”.

Many newbie surf wanna-be’s simply give up, and walk away from their goals of becoming a surfer.

While almost all of us have goals and dreams, there have been a select few that seem to always be the ones to attain their goals without much effort or fanfare. And as true as that may seem, these select few are not any smarter or any more privileged than any of us … they simply have learned to be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time constrained).

How does one become a smart surfer, especially while learning to surf, in order to avoid becoming one of the many casualties who drop off and seek other past times and activities? Follow the five easy steps below:

BE SPECIFIC! This is where most people fail almost immediately, for the simple fact that their goals and efforts are not tuned into something specific … or for the most parts, specific enough. Almost all human beings want to be happy, but setting happiness as the goal will always lead to failure or surrender. Happiness is the end result or by-product of a goal you set. Sure, surfing will make you happy, but specifically WHAT about surfing will make you happy? Is it nose-riding? Is it pulling off some serious air time? Is it big waves? Small waves?

While it is true that you may not know yet what your final goal as a surfer may be, and those very goals may change as you discover more about the sport … it is always a good idea to set a target that can be adjusted once you learn to hit it.

If you are already a surfer, simply saying “I want to surf better” is too loose of a goal, try saying “I want to surf 6 foot waves on a longboard” in order to concretely identify the end results you desire. THAT is a start!

Make it unmistakably MEASURABLE! In order to achieve success, you need to know when certain goals are achieved. The reality is that if you are unable to measure your progress towards a goal, then you need to make it more specific. You need to see milestones being accomplished or achieved, so that a particularly difficult goal, or somewhat intangible dream, can be placed on a measurable scale to work towards.

If your specific goal is to surf 6 foot waves on a longboard, you could integrate your surf sessions to include progressively larger breaks as you get more comfortable with your surfing skills. “Every 2 weeks, I will surf a surf break that rolls at least 2 feet bigger than I normally surf.” may be a good metric to establish and measure against.

Ensure that your goals are one thing, if not anything else: ATTAINABLE! This, my fellow surf fanatics is where a lot of people begin to fall off the effort scale. Remind yourself that your goals must also be realistic, in order to keep yourself grounded towards forward progress. If you have never surfed before, and have decided to enter the brotherhood (or sisterhood) of surfers, do not set out to surf Hawaii’s Pipeline or Sunset Beach right away.

Yes, you could eventually surf Pipeline, and yes even in winter time when the waves are known to swallow some of the world’s best surfers … but set specific milestones that lead up to that goal so that you ensure constant success as you move towards your goal!

The next question you MUST ask yourself is “WHY“. Why do you want to surf? And to what end? By making your goals RELEVANT to your life and lifestyle, you can ensure that you have consistent follow though and willingness to forage on through the hard and trying times. I apologize for having to be the one to tell you this, but if you are learning to surf because your boyfriend/girlfriend surfs and you want to be closer to him/her, or if you’re surfing because all your friends are doing it, or worst … you’re surfing because you want to be like the guys and gals on television … then do us ALL a favor and just don’t do it. Stop now. Do something else. Surfing is something that will require some serious water time, some serious commitment, and endless patience. If your lifestyle or desired lifestyle is not relevant to the activity or goal you are pursuing, then you will have signed up for sure disaster and failure.

Yes you want to be a pro surfer that can ride 10 foot waves at Pipeline every weekend … but you live in Ohio. Now what?? Your objectives must make sense in the context of your environment!

Finally, all four of the SMART goals are absolutely useless without the final “T” – TIME CONSTRAINED. All of us have fizzled out on some goal at some time or another, and primarily it was due to a lack of a time frame or a deadline. The unpainted tool shed, the unhung closet doors, the unpaved driveway, and the ever increasing pile of “stuff” in the garage. Tasks and goals tend to get away from us if we do not set a deadline and follow through on them, so ensuring that your specifically measurable and attainably relevant goals are framed with a timeline ensures success in the long run.

If you think back to school exams and test papers, or work projects and deadlines, we all seem to work best when we are working towards a specific deadline. We are more focused if we know that we need to achieve our objectives by a certain date. Without a hard deadline knocking at the door or looming ever so closely, goals are fuzzy at best, and will tend to always be superseded by ‘more pressing’ concerns. Placing a time constraint on your goals prioritizes it immediately, and allows you to do the same for other things that pop-up later on.

Now that you are armed with some seriously sharp tools, SMART surfer, go forth and PLAN your surf goals and your surf dreams … and don’t drop in on anyone! Cool?

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When I first started surfing I had the typical wave dreams. When I would close my eyes I would see waves rolling in my mind. When I would sleep I would see those waves again in my dreams. I looked up the meaning of seeing waves and found the following meanings:

• To see clear, calm  waves in your dream, signify renewal, a calm state of mind and tranquil emotions. It may also signal an important decision to be made.
• To hear waves crashing in your dream, indicates tenderness and relaxation. It also brings about feelings of sensuality and sexuality.
• To dream that you are caught in a tidal wave, signifies the strength of your emotions, perhaps accompanied by tears that you are holding back in your waking life.
• To see muddy, violent  waves in your dream, signifies that a fatal error was made in an important decision.

The other night I had a dream I had not had before. In my dreaming I was surfing. It was very vivid. I paddled for a wave, bigger than what I normally would paddle for in my waking life. I stood up and stayed low holding onto the rail a little longer to make sure I made the drop. As I dropped I looked forward and saw part of the wave in front of me crashing over my head. I sped up to get in front in front of the breaking water and rode the wave. After I popped up and took the drop I saw one of my friends to the left and another in front of me. As I sped past them, I felt so confident, so free, so happy and so alive.

Waking up and feeling more energized and excited to surf I decided to look up what this meant, if anything other than my desire to surf again.

To dream you are surfing could mean any of the following:

• A desire to partake in surfing
• The way you’re “navigating the waves in your life” : who’s in charge—you or the waves (emotions)?
• It may also indicate that you are going with the flow

To dream you are riding a surfboard could mean:

• you are going with the flow of things. You have been giving in to the existing rhythm and are just there for the ride. This dream may be trying to tell you that you need to take more initiative in where you want to go and what you want to do.

During a recent surf session with good friends, they told me they thought I needed to take more initiative in my life and make a spreadsheet of my goals and dreams.

I guess if you don’t listen in real life to what you need to hear, it comes up in your dreams….

It seems the surf god has been unkind to me. Is it to punish me for the ungratefulness I show when I complain and moan about the less-than-mediocre conditions he (I am beginning to think he, is in fact, a she in her 2-week long pms… What a bitch). I wish she would just get over her hormonal-tide changes and give me something good to cling on to again.

It’s been awhile and I really am getting just as bitchy— though I should reconsider picking a fight against her—I’m still very much at her mercy. Curses to the shitty feeling that one’s happiness depends on something or someone beyond one’s control! But I realize, sometimes I guess, it’s also this feeling of not having control that makes one’s happiness all that much sweeter. Life— what a fun, confusing, little puzzle.

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