Posted by I found myself wandering around a high end retail mega store one day, trying to wait out the usual late afternoon traffic horde moving from one side of the city to the other.
This was a regular game I seemed to play with the traffic system … rather one-sided and has very low odds of winning. Every morning, we all leave our houses at the same time, get on the same roads, and head for the same basic vicinity into town. The result? A mass of metal cars all locked into each other, in a queue, apparently all towards the same parking structure. The game is one I never win. I only delay my inevitable defeat, for never have I beat the traffic … only shortened the wait in line. Only made the wait more bearable at times.
But always, there I sit in traffic. Someone has to stop the insanity I say … let’s all stop leaving the house (or the office) at the same time every day! But that’s a soapbox rant better left off for another day, for another person. This time, I need to talk about this retail store that I shall not name in this blog; let’s just say it rhymes with Bored Storm Rack … (okay, I “barely” made that difficult to guess!) And if you have ever found yourself at this store – or any other higher end retail outlet store – you know that there is a lot of items to be found that are “almost perfect” but not quite perfect enough for the actual retail stores. Things like slightly marred $200 backpacks, impossibly-difficult-to-tell scratched up ottomans, and the ever present myriad of lotions and body butters that to this day escape my imagination as to why rubbing butter to one’s body as a concept would appeal to anyone!
However, with at least an hour, two if the pattern of rush hour insanity holds up – I made it a point to very casually, and very slowly, look at almost every item in the store that I can peruse without calling attention to myself or possibly making myself appear to be some form of social deviant out for an afternoon of shopping for lotion and a garden hose. I digress. I was methodically making my way around the store in an attempt to pass time by … right!
The problem was simply that there was not a lot of “stuff” to look at this time around, so I made my store rounds a bit faster than I would have liked. And so I found myself at the furniture section at the front of the store wit more than 45 minutes left to my scheduled wait time. SO … I did what any man would do at a retail store with time to kill while waiting for someone or something … I found a chair and resolved to sit there until I could leave. And hidden from nosey stock clerks and cashiers by a massive tower of fluffy towels, near the bathrooms and drinking water fountains, I made myself comfortable on a suede sofa amidst a corner of chairs, ottomans, towels, and this ever so accommodating sofa.
The corner was apparently also a good place for young children to play in, as I found myself surrounded by a gang of overly excited, and underwhelmingly undersupervised rugrats. Yes, before you ask, I actually DO like children, having been one myself for a VERY long time. At times, I take liberty of my poetic license, and become a child again under the guise of literary research. (Ahem) To continue, I watched them at play with much amusement. The best part? A “made up” game that 3 little girls between the ages of 6 and 9, and a little boy about 5 years old, had devised using a brown, suede ottoman. They were taking turns running their hands across the top of the little foot rest, and effectively changing the color of the smooth fabric with each swipe. By moving their hands across the fibers, the direction of the tiny hairs were changing and turning a darker brown one direction, and a lighter brown another direction.
They were all sitting at one side of the small ottoman and in a semi-ordered clockwise pattern, taking turns rubbing the chair. Fun with available resources at any given time – I made a note to try and practice this concept more. At a time of portable video games, text messaging, and cell phones here were four kids that returned to the simple things. The game was getting faster now, with the pauses between each hand swipe getting shorter and shorter … and the laughter and giggling getting louder and louder. Each movement of their hand was followed by a quick tuck back into their chest, and certainly getting serious for the kids were not looking at each other anymore, just at the chair. Unfortunately for the boy, he was not quite as quick as his female counterparts at this game and showed his frustration at not being able to keep up with the quickening pace. He definitely was falling behind as the girls giggled more, and his face took on a more serious look. As far as he was concerned, he was beginning to lose hold of this game.
Swipe – darker. Swipe – lighter. The game continued faster and faster, and the boy seemed slower and slower … they were losing him! And he did the only thing he could to win the game and effectively claim victory: he licked the top of the chair.
He licked the ottoman. He licked it with one long and wet swipe.
The suede ottoman, was now a very dark brown stripe of fabric, wet from the boy’s saliva. The result? Big grossed out “EWWWW!” shrieks from the the three girls, and they ran away, towards what I assumed was their parents with doppler-effect-like statements of “He is so gross!” and “That was ewww!” The boy? He looked up at me with a giant grin on his face, revelling in his victory. Big smile and all, he stood up and slowly made his way after the girls. I was left there, laughing to myself at the whole thing.
He had won the game … the foot rest was a permanent dark brown, and he prevented any of the other players from changing it back to a lighter color. Game, set and match! So I thought about it … could I lick the playing field in my own game with traffic? Probably not, and the taste of asphalt is not one I am looking forward to.
However, in the spirit of the chair-licking boy … I can continue to change the rules of the game where I can, therefore making the game more enjoyable for me, and extending my patience and ability to continue playing.
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